Macon

Introduction

You might feel it when that hot stud across the room at the gym gives your lover the look-over. You might experience it if your ex-boyfriends ever cheated on you and then you project it onto your current man. Or you might experience it if you have an open relationship and you know your partner is out tricking. Whatever its form, jealousy can take on many different faces and it can kill your relationship if its not managed appropriately. If youre the one whos afflicted with jealousy, it can torment and consume you, zapping you of all security and contentment. If youre the partner of a jealous lover, your frustration at having to walk on eggshells and constantly reassure your guy of your commitment to him can be maddening.

Jealousy is not bad in and of itself. It is a feeling and all our feelings are ok; its what we do with them that can mean the difference between relationship calm and relationship storm. Jealousy can actually benefit your partnership in its mildest form. But if it is a recurrent, pervasive theme that seems to dominate the climate of your relationship, it can sabotage your future together and lead to a lot of hurt and grief. This article will address some of the dynamics involved in jealousy and offer some tips for you and your partner in overcoming and defeating it.

Jealousy & Its Causes

Jealousy can be defined as a feeling that arises from a perceived threat to your relationship. It almost always involves fearfear of loss of abandonment or losing your partner, fear of being replaced with someone else, fear of not being important enough anymore and being excluded, etc. This significantly impacts ones self-esteem and leads to insecurity and using self-defeating behaviors to ward off these painful feelings and gain a sense of control (although it never really accomplishes that and creates vicious cycles of the same dysfunctional behavior over and over again). Self-defeating behaviors might include spying on your partner, excessive clinginess toward him, constant questioning of his whereabouts and activities, among others.

What are the causes of jealousy? There are inner and outer causes. Inner causes might include low self-esteem and confidence (believing one is unattractive or unworthy of being in a healthy relationship), a past history of experiences that created distrust, and beliefs that one will be single forever if he loses his partner. External causes might include how ones partner acts (expressing interest or flirting with someone else) or the actual involvement of a third person in the relationship. Factors that seem to affect the susceptibility to jealousy include the length and stability of the relationship, maturity, dependence, and level of self-esteem of the individuals, their expectations for emotional gratification, and the perceived availability of alternatives to the primary relationship (Neidig & Friedman, 1984).

Low levels of jealousy can actually be positive for your relationship. It can be a signal that somethings off between the two of you. It can help partners feel cared for and be an indication to not take each other for granted. It can also increase communication, commitment, and sexual intensity. Jealousy becomes problematic when it is expressed indirectly, is experienced compulsively, becomes irrational, or leads to extreme levels of vigilance and control (Neidig & Friedman, 1984). The major consequence is that it also leads to a severe break-down in the level of trust and intimacy between the two men, core ingredients that are necessary for a healthy relationship to last. And the other paradoxical effect of jealousy is that it can create the very outcome that is feared and dreaded the most---the ending of the relationship.

Tips For Conquering the Jealousy Beast

If you are the one suffering from jealousy *Acknowledge your jealousy. Avoid minimizing or denying its existence. Recognize that you are not your jealousyit is a part of you, one aspect of you that you can learn to manage. Admitting its power over you is the first step to conquering it.

*Identify the cause of your jealousy. What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Work on developing more effective ways to cope with these specific emotions.

*Keep a journal and write about your experience of jealousy and what it means to you. Ask yourself such questions as:
Do I trust my partner and believe what he says?
Am I projecting my own issues and feelings onto him and blaming him? What is my jealousy really about?
What hurts? Whats missing in my life?
What are the consequences of my jealousy? What do I get out of it that may be perpetuating it?
Are my jealous feelings rational or irrational? Are they based more on real threats or insecurities?

*Identify your triggers to jealousy and either avoid them or find ways to confront them head-on in a healthy way.

*Live in the present. Your partner is not your ex-boyfriend. Learn how to control your anger and grieve past losses and hurts.

*Refrain from obsessing and compulsively questioning your partners behavior. Monitor your own thoughts and always check your motives and feelings against reality.

*Realize that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You create your own interpretations and perceptions of events and situations. Learn to identify and challenge irrational thoughts and beliefs and develop affirmations or coaching, coping statements to write on index cards for reference to help you through difficult times.

*Practice relaxation techniques to help you cope with your anxiety.

*Make sure to have a life separate from your partner to reduce dependency and bring more fresh air into the relationship. Reach out to your friends, build your support system, and seek out social outlets that inspire a sense of fun and purpose.

*Build your self-esteem by taking safe risks that boost your confidence and allow you to see the strengths you possess.

If you are the partner of a jealous lover *Be patient and endure through this difficult period. Understand how painful and difficult it is for your partner and empathize and validate his feelings. Provide reassurances of your love, but dont enable his behavior.

*Take care of yourself. Practice good stress management for emotional wellness.

*Identify ways you might be able to support your partner and show how you value him. Explore your own behavior to determine if youre reinforcing your lovers jealousies in any way.

And finally, together as a couple *Identify if the jealousy has its roots in an underlying problem in your relationship. Whats missing? Are there any unmet needs that require your attention?

*Dont make assumptions! Avoid mind-reading and always check feelings or thoughts that you may have with each other.

*This is a great opportunity to open the channels of communication and see if any new boundaries or relationship rules need to be re-negotiated, created, or dropped.

*Make your relationship a #1 priority! Spend lots of quality time together and engage in activities that will re-vitalize your bond and restore some of that damaged trust and intimacy.

Conclusion
Jealousy doesnt have to rule your life. Make a commitment to aggressively minimize its influence so that there will be more energy available for your own self-care and for enriching your relationship. These are the things that really matter. So squash that bugger before it has the chance to contaminate what the two of you have worked so hard to build. Convert that jealousy into passion for yourself and for your partner and before long youll no longer heed Jealousys evil whispers. You can do it!

*Reference: Neidig, Peter H. & Friedman, Dale H. (1984). Spouse Abuse: A Treatment Program for Couples. Champaign, IL: Research Press Company.

2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

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Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right. To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples,as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach (http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com), in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, on developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the new self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005.

The big question in corporate promoting is how to successfully advertise a business without having to rob corporate coffers of all its money in order to do so. Corporate promoting can add up to quite a sum and reduce profits for a business if care is not taken to protect against this. The answer to how to successfully promote business without losing your shirt is to engage in intelligent corporate promoting. Make intelligent corporate promotional moves such as opting to resell promotional merchandise for profits.

The first key to making this work is to select promotional merchandise with the highest resale probability. Promotional merchandise such as travel accessories, coffee mugs, key rings, magnets, calculators, clocks, pens, conference bags and folders, umbrellas, golf gifts, watches, wallets, shirts, and mouse pads. These are all very good choices in promotional merchandise that you can resell for profits because these are things people use often and are most apt to purchase. The second key to making the reselling of promotional merchandise for profits work for you is to find a superior supplier of low-cost, high-quality, promotional merchandise to stock your sales shelves with. This leaves funds in your business coffers to be used in other ways to encourage more business profits. Combined with the profits from the reselling of promotional merchandise, your coffers will soon be overflowing.

There are many companies who are superior suppliers of promotional merchandise that can be used for business gifting and also for reselling for profits. You buy promotional merchandise at the lowest cost possible without sacrificing quality, and resell it for profits to your customers. This works because you are paying such a low fee for this promotional merchandise that raising the price for profit still leaves plenty of room to offer the consumer an opportunity to save money as well. You will be promoting your business and building a reputation as a provider of the merchandise business professionals use most, at a savings over other providers. Your customers will also fancy the convenience of not having to trudge from store to store for the items they need most because they can find it all through your business.

When people use the promotional merchandise they have purchased from you, they will be reminded of your business. What if any significance is there to that? The brain is an extraordinary animal that we do not yet fully understand. However, science has proven that the repetition of information such as seeing a business name on a pen for example, breeds a curious affinity towards that information. Many of us are unaware of how this affects our purchasing decisions. But we are more likely to trust and make transactions with the businesses and people we have built an affinity for. Ensure that people see your business name often through the promotional merchandise they use the most. Reselling promotional merchandise is intelligent corporate promoting at its best because your business gets promoted while earning profits.

Do people really buy resale promotional merchandise? They sure do. You have no doubt done so yourself, although you may not have put the two together. Airports, hotels, gift and specialty shops, and convention centers all sell promotional merchandise for profits such as pens, mugs, travel mugs, travel clocks, watches, sunglasses, key rings, t-shirts, polo shirts, umbrellas, and more that consumers readily buy for the sake of convenience. You may have at one time or another patronized these vendors yourself. There is no sound reason for not getting in on this for the sake of your business promoting needs and for the opportunity to make profits that the resell of promotional merchandise offers.

Tina Rinaudo is one of the leading lights in the UK promotional merchandise industry.

Tina is a key member of YesGifts, the UK's fastest growing online promotional merchandise resource specialising in promotional pens, mugs, mouse mats, umbrellas, conference items and much more.

For more information please visit www.yesgifts.co.uk.

Istria and Kvarner

Limski Channel - Between Vrsar and Rovinj, there is a geomorphologic phenomenon - a 10 km long and 600 m wide canyon, with cliffs protruding up to 150 m above the sea. Since oysters and mussels are bred in the Limski Channel, make sure to taste them in one of many excellent restaurants.

Motovunska Forest - Istria's inland is famous for its forests abundant in mushrooms and wild game, while Motovunska Forest, where the largest truffle, recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records, was found, lies in the Mirna River valley, close to the Medieval hill-top towns.

Ucka - Ucka, covered by coniferous forests, medicinal and aromatic herbs, is Istria's highest mountain. From Ucka, you have a splendid view of Istria and the Kvarner islands, and thanks to its vegetation and the direction of the wind, the region at the foot of Ucka has been included on the list of tourist destinations favorable for all of those with respiratory difficulties.

Rajska Beach and Dundo Forest - 40% of the island of Rab is covered by woods, while the Dundo Park-Forest, only 4 km from the town of Rab, stands out as one of the most beautiful holm oak forests in the Mediterranean region.

Lubenice - On a 378 m high cliff with a view towards the open sea, lies the prehistoric settlement that resembles the fairytale town in Sleeping Beauty - stone-chiseled Lubenice, where every year interesting music evenings are held and creative workshops are organized.

Northern Dalmatia

Lake Mir - On the island of Dugi otok, in the area of the Telascica Nature Park, 146 m above sea level lies the salt water lake Mir. In the past, an integral part of the Kornati National Park, Telascica Bay is among the most beautiful in the Adriatic, while its waters at the surface are up to 6C warmer than the sea water in summer.

Velebit Botanical Garden - At the foot of Zavizan Mountain, at the altitude of 1480 meters, lies a botanical garden with an area of 30 hectares. Besides dense forests and spacious meadows, you can see autochthonous and rare plants of the Velebit region, among them, the endemic yellow flower - Degenia velebitica.

Zrmanja River, whose canyons and rapids have recently been discovered by rafting and kayaking enthusiasts, lies near the town of Obrovac. One of its beauties is a 27-meter high waterfall. Along its entire length of 69 km, the river flows through green landscapes, the most spectacular ones in the Obrovac region.

Cerovacke Caves - On the slopes of Southern Velebit lies the geomorphologic nature monument consisting of two caves: Donja cave, explored to the depth of 2000 meters and Gornja cave, although smaller (approx. 1200 m), can boast of having the so-called "White Crystal Chamber" that is ornamented with magnificent stalactites and stalagmites.

Central Dalmatia

Cetina River Canyon - 100 km long Cetina River is Dalmatia's river with the most water and its mouth lies at the old town of Omis. Thanks to its waters, the river has formed a splendid canyon with waterfalls (Gubavica) and excursion areas, among which Radmanove mlinice, a place where excellent dishes are served, stands out.

Malacological Museum in Makarska - is located in the Franciscan monastery and houses the largest selection of shells and snails in the world, as well as a rare collection of fossils from the Mediterranean area.

Biokovo Botanical Garden - If you head from Makarska towards Zagora, you will reach a botanical garden that, besides autochthonous plants from the Biokovo area, houses several endemic plants, while there are large meadows of yellow narcissuses at several places within the park.

Crveno and Modro Lakes are hydrographic and geomorphologic natural phenomena in the Imotski region. In Modro lake (800 x 500 meters), bathing is allowed in summer, while its water level varies up to 70 meters. Neighboring Crveno lake resembles a giant well: it has a diameter of about 200 meters and a depth of about 500 meters and cannot be accessed, while the red color of the surrounding steep rocks make it a marvelous sight.

Southern Dalmatia

Veliko and Malo Lakes - On the island of Mljet, whose western part has been proclaimed a national park, there are two lakes and the bay of Soline. On 46 meter deep Veliko Lake lies the islet of Sv. Marija with a Benedictine monastery. The water of Malo Lake is up to 4C warmer than the sea water.

Bacinska Lakes - Freshwater Bacinska Lakes, a favorite destination for sports fishermen, lies north of the port of Ploce and in the immediate vicinity of the sea. There are several excellent sea food restaurants in the vicinity.

Ston Walls - The 14th century fortification walls, called "European Wall of China" due to their monumentality, still circle the town that had waterworks and a sewage system already in 1581. Besides that, Ston is known for excellent oysters bred there.

Lokrum is among the most beautiful islands of the Dubrovnik archipelago and it used to be the summer residence of Maximillian von Habsburg. The island is covered with Mediterranean vegetation, magnolias, agaves and palm trees. Due to its exquisite beauty, it has been proclaimed a special reserve of forest vegetation.

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