Wednesday, February 13, 2008 

Can You Really Trust The Person That You Are Dating Online?

Heather is a 42 year old American lady.Divorced with two children,she decided to try online dating to possibly get a new partner. She signed up with one of the popular dating sites and set up a profile.The anonymity and security of online dating appealed to her and she hoped it would work out for her.

In a matter of days, she was contacted by a man who also claimed to be looking for a love relationship.The man was handsome,also divorced and in his mid-forties. He claimed to be an engineer living in the United States, but was sent on an assignment by his company to Nigeria.

They began to chat and exchange mails, and soon began a relationship online.He sent flowers to her from time to time, sent poems everyday, called her up twice a day. Heather felt that she had finally found the man of her dreams. Surely,this was the perfect relationship that she had wanted since her divorce. Here was a man who was caring and who showed it. She readily agreed to his proposal when he called her over the phone and asked her to marry him. They began to make plans to get married as soon as he returned to the United States.

Heather felt all was going on well with their plans until he made a distress call.He had been involved in a road accident and had been hospitalized. Could she help out with some money to pay the bills? Well,she did help. A sequence of events followed afterwards. Weeks later, she discovered that the man she had fallen in love with was not the real person she had thought he was.She had just been taken by the newest form of online scams that is just showing up--the romance or dating scam.

She was heartbroken.She had lost thousands of dollars to this man.She was behind on her mortgage and was in debt to the bank. But painful as the experience was,it could not be compared to the emotional pain that she had to go through.

It would take many months before she would get over the whole experience, which she described as a nightmare. Heather is not the only one that is a victim of this new form of scam.Many thousands of people online are losing millions of dollars monthly to these scams. But due to the secretive nature of the internet, most people that have been scammed this way are either too embarassed or ashamed to talk about their experience. In a particular finding, 145 men and women reported that they lost over $1 million in two months in 2005. In that same finding, thousands of people refused to disclose any information about their losses.

The worst aspect of these scams has been the emotional pains the victims have had to go through. Many of the victims I talked with reported that it took them many months before they could get back to their normal life.

A lady told me that she cried for many nights after she realized that she had been scammed. She had thought she had the ideal lover,and had become so emotionally attached to him. Realizing that it was all a lie was devastating to her. The fact that she had been in deep love with a fake person was what pained her the most.

This is the same experience as many of the victims I related with have had.The effects of the scams have had so much of a devastating effect on them all. Medical doctors, lawyers,paralegals and other professionals have been known to lose money to these scams just as housewives, students, factory workers and other low-income earners have. The scams are no respecter of status or race. Not even religious people have been spared from this growing menace.

Till this moment, thousands of people are out there trying to get over these scams . But even as those who have been scammed are trying to get on with their lives, many more thousands are being set up for a scam right now.

Online dating has come to stay with us all, and many people have found true love through this avenue. Online dating has produced many successful love stories. It is a medium that if properly used ,with the right education, can be a means of bringing love into the lives of many.

However, it is apparent that it is also increasingly being used for the wrong purposes. Given the high success rate of the scams however, the best way to deal with them is to educate yourself about them.

You need to learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff. Knowing the methods that the scammers use will help you not to fall for their antics. You will be able to know what to do to protect yourself and still be able to date successfully.

As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure.

Alan Prince literally spent hundreds of hours with the main actors in this scenario. He spent time with the victims to see for himself first hand the effects of the scams.And he also went behind the scenes to where the scams take place to see how the scammers operate. You can read more about his findings and how they can be of help to you at http://www.elovedeceptions.com.

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Grooming Is For Every Man

At one time in history men were not, for lack of a better word, into grooming themselves other than getting their monthly hair cut at the local barber shop. Sometimes, if they wanted to spend the extra money, they would also get a shave as well. As time went on the focus for looking your best was still advertised in the media, but for women. Men were lucky if they saw an ad for shaving cream! Skip ahead to this time in history. Men are still shown commercials advertising shaving cream and razors as well. Wow, weve grown in the mind of the media - were now seeing ads for razors! Not much of a difference from years ago! However, it isnt totally a washout for men. Over the past 10 years or so men have seen more grooming products come to the marketplace just for them.

Besides shaving products we now see skin care for men, shower gel for men, waxing kits for men, body hair trimmers for men, special razors for men who shave their head, hair dye just for men, and at some department stores even makeup for men! Obviously companies are realizing men want to look good too, and their profits are showing the same! The truth is men from all walks of life want in on knowing what to do when it comes to their personal grooming. Of course they do! Everyone knows when you look your personal best youre more attractive, you feel better about yourself and are more confident.

Whether youre a high powered business man, a police officer, or a bar tender, every man wants to look their best and deserves to know how to do it. We all want to make a great first impression on someone - a date, a potential boss, a potential client, etc. But more importantly men should want to look their best for themselves and should be proud of it. Forget that society and the media arent portraying the men of the world taking the time to look their best - you know differently - you are confident enough to start doing things that will improve your appearance and you dont care who knows about it.

I know for a fact that men have already started breaking down these walls because, for example, mens skin care products and shaving products are flying off the shelves both in stores and on-line. So if you have an interest in looking your best, dont be shy about it, find out what to do and start doing it! As a result, you will only see positive results in your appearance! Grooming is for any man, regardless if youre 20, 40, 60 or 80! After all, looking your best will only benefit you and these days finding something positive to do for yourself is more important than ever.

Author David Scott Bartky helps men all over the world look their best with the techniques and advice offered in his book "Grooming Secrets For Men" which can be found at http://www.thestylishman.com

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100 Calorie Snacks

Listed below are more choices for 100 Calorie Great Snacks. These Snacks are great for in between meal snacking, when you don't want a 100 calorie pack of cookies or chips. Burn a calorie, get up and prepare a snack, something good for you. You must want to treat your body right, if you are searching for 100 Calorie Snacks. Fats and calories are approximated in the following recipes, but remember to check your food labels for complete nutrition information as you prepare these treats. A few recipes listed below are less than 100 calories per serving. Eat frequently throughout your day as digestion raises the metabolic rate, and helps maintain our blood sugar levels.

This skin you're in, is the largest organ on your body, and may account for the largest proportion of our total body weight. Our skin is nearly waterproof, so pamper and hydrate your skin by drinking 8 glasses of water in an eight ounce glass, spread out throughout your day. Water also aids in the process of metabolism. Deep clean your skin and pores with a natural Mineral Epsom Salts Bath, 2 cups sprinkled into your warm bath is pure bliss!!! Exfoliate your skin using your mild soap and a cotton washcloth as our skin sheds several pounds of dead skin cells every year.

1. Berries and Whipped Cream: Heat 1/2 cup of Frozen Blackberries, Blueberries or Raspberries in the microwave for 2 minutes in a microwavable covered dish, let it cool for 10 minutes at least, then top the cooked Berries with 2 tablespoons of Reddi Wip Whipped Light Cream. Contains about 100 calories, 1 gram of fat, and the Berries are loaded with antioxidants.

2. Chocolate Fix: Fill a bowl with about 6 tablespoons of Reddi Wip Whipped Light Cream, about 45 calories, and add 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoons of pure Hershey's Cocoa. Whisk until blended and creamy, approximately 50 endorphin feel good calories, and 3 grams of fat.

3. Tea with Cheese and Crackers: 1 large glass of Iced Tea, squeeze 3 lemon wedges in the tea, 1 wedge of The Laughing Cow Original Swiss Cheese, and 7 Wheat Thins Multi Grain Crackers. This treat has approximately 100 calories and 4 grams of fat. Eliminate artificial sweeteners from your diet and enjoy the benefits of Iced Tea with Lemon, natural Tea contains antioxidants that protect your body from free radicals, and has about half the caffeine of coffee. Add fresh squeezed lemon to taste, for the added immune boosting benefit of vitamin C, and don't put the lemon slice in your glass as the lemon peels can contain oxalates that may inhibit the absorption of calcium. You can always keep on hand Minute Maid Lemon Juice, which contains the juice of 7 lemons in a 7.5 ounce container, use approximately one or to squirts to taste, you can find it in the freezer at your grocery store. If you have to have Sweet Tea, try 1 or 2 packets of Estee Fructose Natural Sweetener with 10 calories per packet, it is delicious and not an artificial sweetener.

4. Breakfast Sandwich: Fry 2 eggs in Pam over medium heat about 2 minutes, then turn over with a spatula, at the edge of both eggs, cut into egg yellows and mash out about two thirds of the yellows and discard. Add salt and pepper to taste. When eggs are done approximately 3 to 4 minutes total, place eggs on one slice of Aunt Millies Fiber for Life Whole Grain Bread with 3 grams of fiber and 35 calories, toast and slice in half, spray toast with Fat Free Parkay Spray and you have a delicious Egg Sandwich with about 4 grams of fat, 12 grams of protein, and approximately 100 calories.

5. Puffed Wheat Cereal: 2/3 cup of Puffed Wheat, one half cup of skim milk and 1 packet of Estee Fructose Natural Sweetener. With less than 1 gram of fat and 100 calories total, this great tasting and filling cereal has approximately 1&1/2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of carbohydrates and 15% of the RDA for Calcium and 15% of the RDA for iron.

6. Toast with Blackberry Jelly: 1 slice of Aunt Millies Fiber for Life Whole Grain Bread toasted, spray with Fat Free Parkay Spray, and spread 1 teaspoon of Blackberry Jelly on the toast. Great snack with about 50 calories. This treat has under 1 gram of fat and 13 grams of carbohydrates with the added bonus of 3 grams of fiber.

7. Mozzarella Cheese Stick and Marinara: Heat 1/4 cup of Barilla Marinara Sauce in the microwave with one light Frigo Mozzarella Cheese Stick in a covered dish, let cool before eating. This snack has about 100 calories, 10 grams of protein, and 3 grams of fat.

8. Southwest Ranch Salad: This salad complete with salad dressing has approximately 100 calories and 3 grams of fat, you'll never want to buy premade light ranch salad dressing again, once you have tried this recipe.1 cup of Romaine Lettuce torn into bite size pieces, 3 Cherry Tomatoes and 3 Cucumber slices diced. Top salad with 2 tablespoons of Fresh Gourmet Tortilla Strips and 1&1/2 tablespoons of your Homemade Ranch Salad Dressing, to make this dressing, combine 1 cup of Kroger Reduced Fat Sour Cream, 1 cup of Kroger Cultured Lowfat Buttermilk and 1 packet of Hidden Valley Original Ranch Buttermilk Recipe Salad Dressing Mix, wisk all ingredients together until creamy and refrigerate 2 hours before serving. This Homemade Ranch Salad Dressing contains approximately 53 calories and 2 grams of fat in a 2 tablespoon serving. Create a large dinner salad by adding 1 extra cup of Romaine lettuce and 1 grilled chicken breast, 4 ounces, this will add about 120 calories and 23 grams of protein.

9. Vegetable Tray with Homemade Ranch Salad Dressing: 1/2 cup of cucumber slices, 6 celery sticks, 6 slices of sweet red pepper 1/2 cup of raw broccoli florets. 2 tablespoons of your Homemade Ranch Salad Dressing, recipe above for your vegetable dip.. This Vegetable Tray has about 100 calories and 2 grams of fat.

10. Turkey Sandwich: 1 slice of Aunt Millies Fiber for Life Whole Grain Bread and a 2 ounce serving of Fat Free Turkey Breast. Spread a teaspoon of mustard on your bread and a few lettuce leaves. Approximately 100 calories, 10 grams of protein and 1 gram of fat.

Please post your comments at the Snack Forum.

Owner of Up2Tempo located in Cincinnati, Ohio selling a variety of Cooking and Dining Magazines and sharing some of my favorite recipes.

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Eliminate Waste, Degraded Outcomes and Lost Opportunity with your Intellectual Products

Intellectual products can range from ideas to full blown plans, from concepts to global strategies. Decisions, policies, advice, concepts, guidelines and even budgets are intellectual products.

If you want to achieve the gold standard in the intellectual products developed by your organization, you have to master the basics. Think about it this way. It doesn't matter whether you are a golfer, musician, race car driver, chef, engineer, physician or a plumber. Your success depends on understanding the basics and being good at all of them.

You will know you have mastered the basics when you can answer yes confidently to the following questions.

  • The Quality of Social Networks: Are you quickly able to find the right people to contribute at the right time, no matter what the intellectual challenge?
  • The Degree of Social Capital within those Networks: Do people always interact in a way that adds to the bank account of quality relationships?
  • The Sources of Pull that Influence Self-Organization: Do you know what matters and can you agree on it?
  • The Language and Conversational Competence Applied to each Transaction: Does the quality of conversations lead to breaking through new understanding?
  • The Degree to which Interactive Processes Add Value: Are interactive processes simple, spare and lean?
  • The Quality of the Processes of Individual Contributors: Do individuals think and work lean?
These questions guide you to the six factors that determine whether or not your intellectual processes will be laden with waste, degraded products and lost opportunity. Creating intellectual products at the Tiger Woods level requires that you and your organization execute on every one of the six factors? Can you afford not to? This paper will answer that question.

The Quality of Social Networks: Are you quickly able to find the right people to contribute at the right time, no matter what the intellectual challenge?

A social network is the web of potential contributors to an intellectual product. An abundant amount of research has been conducted to determine where people go when they need information. Social networks are far more important, and more frequently used to access information than are databases, file systems and manuals. Cross and Parker[1], who have conducted scores of social network analysis studies note that: "In no case, did we see any technology come close to the importance people gave to other people for finding information and learning how to get work done."

Your people use social networks to find out who has the information, assess the quality of information and determine whether it can be supplied when it's needed. Superb social networks enable everyone to access the best people at the right time. They are fluid, fast and accurate. Waste occurs when the people with the best knowledge aren't accessible or when people become bottlenecks, or are underutilized because they are not trusted.

The Degree of Social Capital within those Networks: Do people always interact in a way that adds to the bank account of quality relationships?

Social capital is the residual value that is created when relationships include trust, rapport and openness. The conversations that carry information about the content of an intellectual product also convey information about the quality of relationships among the contributors. The good will that was either built or eroded in the last interaction resides as social capital or social deficit in the next. If you don't trust someone you will limit the information you share … even if it is relevant.

We all instinctively understand the importance of social capital. This is why, in addition to information about projects, people give each other updates on the health of the organization and insights about personal relationships. We build social capital with conversations not only because we seek community although this is an invaluable end in itself. We build it because we know that high quality relationships measurably enhance our ability to produce superior intellectual products and to do it without the waste that always accompanies social deficit.

The Sources of Pull that Influence Self-Organization: Do you know what matters and can you agree on it?

Self-organization refers to influences that cause people to seek the optimal relationships, communication channels and processes as you develop an intellectual product.

The phrase, "self-organizing" refers to the fact that what you care about determines what you do and what you think about. Those things that matter to you pull your actions and your ideas. To the degree that the requirements of an intellectual product matter, they will influence everything you do. Unless they are skewed or impeded, the requirements of the product will reliably pull the optimal choice of ideas, contributors and processes.

The problems start with interference to efficient pull. If the product doesn't matter enough or if there are mixed or conflicting motives or hidden intentions, the result will be waste and the product itself will be degraded. Other sources of interference can include blocks and constraints such as formal structures, and processes that are non-value added, or any restrictions to the free flow of information or even power struggles. They can include unnecessarily proscribed and bureaucratic processes. They can also include attitudes and norms that permit withholding of information, triangulating, using information in manipulative ways or any form of non-transparency. These not only lead to degraded products but can result in missed opportunity.

The Language and Conversational Competence Applied to each Transaction: Does the quality of conversations lead to breakthrough new understanding?

Conversations are the heart of an organization. They pump the information through which we create both our intellectual products and our human relationships. They can fill an organization with discovery, invention, vitality and resilience or sap its energy.

The processes through which we put language to ideas occur in a whole series of continua. They can range from optimal to destructive, from being clear, focused and purposeful to being complicated and confusing. They can generate breakthroughs or breakdowns. They can nurture solid relationships or feed suspicion and mistrust. They can waste people's time or leverage it; delve into deeper meanings or skim the surface.

Every conversation requires either the sharing and understanding of information (hand-off and coordination) or an interchange that results in the mutual development of a new understanding (collaboration).

Interactive competence refers to the degree to which the quality of conversation supports effective hand-off, coordination and collaborative interchanges. It comes down to how good people are at handing off information so that it is understood and, in the case of collaboration, working with concepts to create new thinking and knowing the difference between the two.

The Degree to which Interactive Processes Add Value: Are interactive processes simple, spare and lean?

Interactive processes include not only the tools that are used to promote group consensus and decision-making but also the sequence of activities through which the seamless unbroken forward movement of an intellectual product occurs.

Sources of waste such as wait time (time waiting for someone to take the next step), unnecessarily complex processes (such as back and forth activity as often happens with approval processes) and other process problems are typically identified during the mapping process.

But venue specific problems are rarely addressed. These can include. storage or warehousing (as often happens when people sit in meetings "just in case") or update handoffs that waste time in both preparation and redundancy to some participants or email broadcasts just in case which waste the time of the recipients, or lack of 27/online continuity. Our clients have discovered that 40% - 60% of time spent in meetings in non-value added. Email waste ranges from 20% -40% mostly because it is so easy to broadcast emails of marginal value just in case.

The Quality of the Processes of Individual Contributors: Do individuals think and work lean?

Individual processes are the engine of contributions that are just-in-time and that represent the best thinking of each contributor. Individual processes include everything from how to structure time and organize work to how to attend to each subject without the bleed-through of distractions.

Intellectual value streams can only operate in flow if the suppliers … the individuals who must contribute to them … apply lean principles to their own thinking and work processes. Lean individual processes enable people to deal with the complexities of their day and, at the same time, contribute to the multiple value streams to which they are suppliers. There is no magic to these processes. It simply requires that individuals develop the skills of focused attention, the capacity to maintain mental continuity from subject to subject and efficient work processes and work space.

Where do you start? Choose a core intellectual product that matters. Treat it like the value stream that it is. Understand that the supply chain is a social network of individual contributors. Map it so that the "as is" for all of the factors is transparent. This requires value stream and social network mapping, pull analysis and interactive transaction analysis. Apply metrics for finding out how you are doing on each of the six factors.

Then you are ready move toward individual and collective mastery of the basics. Bring the same rigor to "qualifying" your knowledge suppliers that is expected of the suppliers of parts for an assembly line. Provide a 360 feedback survey that focuses on the "supplier" behaviors and attitudes required by each of the six factors. Combine this with coaching and training in individual work processes. Redesign your interactive process. Make sure that your on-line software supports collaboration and hand-off conversations 24/7. Develop new norms for meetings, email and all other interactive venues and train your leaders to implement them.

Train them in the attitudes and behaviors required for effective hand off and collaboration and the ability to distinguish between the two. Then provide coaching, facilitation and consultation to rigorously address all sources of pull distortion.

It is time to untangle the maze of practices, skills, processes and support systems that are currently in use in order to develop intellectual products and to re-order them into a mutually reinforcing system. This shift requires a change in the way each individual thinks about intellectual products as well a change in the principles, practices and competencies through which they are developed. It then requires an uncompromising commitment to mastering the basics for each of the six factors.

There is a better way to produce superior intellectual products – a less wasteful and time-consuming way, a way that creates lasting benefits for the organization, for its teams and for the men and women who work there.

[1] Robert Cross and Andrew Parker, The Hidden Power of Social Networks: Understanding How Work Really Gets Done in Organizations, Harvard University Press, Boston MA, 2004, pages 11-12.

Lewis E. Frees, Ph.D. is president of Harmony, Inc. an organizational development consulting firm. Harmony trains, coaches, facilitates and provides process consultation to develop inspired high performance organizations. This article is based on the book he is currently authoring: The Five Questions: How to create an Inspired Organization. He works with companies to ensure that they master the five competencies and the know-how required to develop superior intellectual products and big value outcomes. Services include intellectual value stream mapping, social network mapping, pull analysis, 360 feedback surveys, and collaborative software application implementation of the five competencies needed to create and inspired organization.

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